How the CiF rebels turned hypocrisy into an art form – What the Untrusted Said About Bitethehand
In the beginning………..
I signed up to Comment is Free as Bitethehand on 22 April 2006. Since then I have posted regularly from China and England. I have never used foul or abusive language in my posts, other than when I’m directly quoting another poster. I posted as Bitethehand until 16 December 2009 when a conspiracy of posters on Montana Wildhack’s“Untrusted” site succeeded in getting me banned.
At that time the Untrusted had been operating for 10 months during which time I hadn’t made a single post on the site. But despite this, there were over 400 post about me. Here’s a selection to give a flavour of the fury my presence on CiF generated:
Scherfig – 30 April, 2009 20:47 “revolting male feminist-sycophant”, that was totally out of order. He should have called you an obsessive, cyberstalking, retarded fuckwit. Still, nobody’s perfect. Although you’re close to being the perfect dickhead (excuse my use of a sexist term). Enjoy your cookies on the new Cif. (a version of this was also posted on CiF on 30 Apr 2009 at 8:28pm)
Monkeyfish – 08 May, 2009 19:38 That sanctimonious little fucker BTH, is just begging for it; just cos his mum’s the teacher. (An implication that I’m a Guardian employee. From a poster who’s held by the Untrusteds as one of CiF’s most incisive posters ever.)
GPO1 – 17 May, 2009 00:12 For BTH read, fawning, sycophantic toady who probably thinks that by brown-nosing the RadFems he’ll score enough brownie points that they’ll forget that he was born with a dick & let him get his leg over. Who gives a flying fuck what he has to say? I mean really the man(?)’s a joke. He resembles nothing more than the snivelling little kid who hangs around with the favoured gang, agreeing to everything the leaders say, in the hope that everyone else will stop picking on him. GPO1 was never the most incisive poster. He’s not sure whether I’m man or woman and it’s beyond his imagination that I might be just an individual poster with no alliances, cliques, cooking groups whatever.
Doohnibor – 04 June, 2009 12:15 Well, although that would be one party I would remain in the kitchen at, I might be tempted to venture into the thick of it to see Ultima’s face upon being outfemmed…… BTH wouldn’t get a sympathy fuck on principle, but he wouldn’t mind because he’d get a lifetimes worth of wank fodder just being in the same room. That Montana Wildhack allows such obscenities to remain on her site brings into question whether she should have responsibility for the education of young minds.
SwiftyBoy – 04 June, 2009 13:37 @montana: Oh ho ho ho, that opens up an entirely new front in the ongoing BTH discussion. Ladyboys, anyone? (There is a nasty streak of homophobia and transgender phobia running through Montana’s site. HankScorpio has also posted similar views. )
JayReilly– 04 June, 2009 13:37 “And did anybody know that BTH apparently lives in Asia?” Really? I thought the whole point of these mail order brides is that they come to you? (Bit of cultural racism from Jay here – but before the OU took him under its wing and gave him an education.)
Bitterweed – 21 August, 2009 12:29 BTH Hi you cockless bell end.
BeautifulBurnout – 15 September, 2009 22:39 Maybe I am just being a conspiracy theorist here, but I wonder if Ultima and BTH are the same troll with different nicks?(From a UK top barrister – it must be true. The truth is that her analytical skills are a poor second to her currying favour skills)
Lord Summerisle – 15 September, 2009 22:46 No, I don’t see it. They’ve got very different modes of speech. If anything, BTH is more feminine and Ultima is more masculine. If they’re the same person then that’s one freaky head on those shoulders! Lord Summerisle gets it totally wrong.
thaumaturge – 16 September, 2009 14:32 I swear I didn’t spell sushi like that…. Andy – moi, a satirist? LordS – with ultima eating a bit of sashimi of BTH’s unmentionable parts…. (Probably the most intellectual post T’urge has ever posted)
Montana Wildhack – 19 September, 2009 20:36 As for BTH — he only gets mentioned here when he starts attacking one or all of us on Cif. You haven’t been the direct target of any of it, Olching, so it’s a bit easier for you to shrug it off. He’s an odious little creep and I’m quite happy to join with most everyone else here in saying so. This post was in response to
Olching’s post on 19 September, 2009 20:00 “I just don’t get the obsession with BTH, ultima, or any one else. If it’s their ideas, then debate them, but I’m too many moons past school to be gossiping behind people’s back about this, that and the other.” To which
princesschipchops responded: Olching – I actually agree with what you say. I have never said anything about BTH or Ultima on here before because i have not had an issue with them personally. And as I said above I actually enjoy some of their posts and think they can say interesting things – and even if you do not agree with them it is good to read people whose opinions you do not agree with.
Scherfig – 19 September, 2009 19:04 That said, I’m happy to go on record as saying that I think that BTH is an anal- retentive wanker. Cut’n’paste that, you cunt! Happy to oblige Scherfig.
martillo – 22 September, 2009 11:52 Grrr! Those cowardly cif bastards have closed down the waddya where BTH defends lesbian paedophilia. No fucking shame. What’s most interesting here is that HankScorpio who’s made this accusation his trade mark, wasn’t its originator. He’s just a cheap plagiarist at heart.
Fencewalker – 27 November, 2009 23:20 BTH has identified his avatar on MW’s thread: Really tempted to say, though it would only get me modded: “It’s a Shu dynasty butt-plug. You can ram it up your ass”.
13thDukeofWybourne – 04 December, 2009 19:11 Hank, I think you’ll find that because BTH has defended Brooks, Barbara Ellen and the other crackpot feminist articles on CiF he has what in Monoply is termed a ‘Get out of Jail free card.’ The 13th Duke adopts the position – when all else fails, assume espionage.
Brian – 07 December, 2009 15:49 Hell that was a fast ban – perhaps BTH is shagging Rusbridger after all bilethehand was created and posted four times (innocuous silly stuff) and then was banned all within the hour! Make of this what you will – it’s a sign of desperation.
HankScorpio -10 December, 2009 23:54 Time zones, BB. I’m pretty sure BTH is in Thailand. Not sure what the time difference is, but I’m guessing that he posts on Cif after another fruitless night of trying to entice ladyboys to come home with him and his mate, Mr Glitter, for a two-and-a- half-some. I’m not surprised Hank claims he’s suffered from clinical depression when he has to live with this kind of obscenity. How else could he explain such bigotry? Indeed it takes a brain the size of Hank’s to come up with such an outrageous comment. There was a time when CiF launched a competition for poster of the year. It was a semi-lighted hearted event when we all looked back and suggest who’d been best.
Not surprisingly, partisanship came to the fore. On 6 December 2009, on the Ciffies of the Year thread, I posted a satirical letter as if written by my ageing mother, to demonstrate it wasn’t necessary to use foul language and obscenities to hit the mark. It produced indignation, outrage and fury from those it targeted:
I would like to say something about my mother Mrs Bitethehand’s employment as moderator on the Ciffies 2009: thread of the year yesterday when between 10:47 and 1:12am she deleted a number of my posts.
This morning I went and had a serious talk with her and after some discussion she now realises that she really did misunderstand the nature of the job and would like to issue the following statement:
1. I have told my son bitethehand that I won’t have him poking fun at that nice MrKaramov as he’s just a confused young man trying to make sense of the world, just like bitethehand used to be. And Mr Karamov obviously knows all about climate change and Tsunamis and is quite right to say that those men running away were just going to get some boats so they could come back and rescue their wives and children.
2. Mr Chagall, my son didn’t have much of an education so when you suggested he might win a prize for his ad hominens he naturally thought you were swearing at him in Latin. So I’d like to apologise for him suggesting you were unsophisticated and hope you won’t feel too badly about it.
3. tangerinedream, isn’t that one of those new yoghurts from Asda – I do like them but that’s by the by. Now as a committed Christian I’ve told young bitethehand that while I look upon homosexuality as a carnal sin for which our good Lord will have prepared a suitable place for young Mr Gately, where he will have an eternity to mull over his prodigal ways, although unlike the young man in the New Testament parable, his going in the twinkling of an eye sadly robbed him of the opportunity to repent the foolishness of his youth. As I’ve told bitethehand so many times, “There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out” But more than that I’m fed up with telling bitethehand that he’s heading in the same direction if he continues with his lack of respect for the dead, especially that poor Mr Gately.
4. Mr David Absalom, how nice for you to have the same family name as the strongest man in the Bible and I know that you’re quite right to urge all our young people to keep themselves pure and unsullied until they are safe within the sanctity of a married relationship. Well done I say and as I’ve told bithethehand before, I won’t stand for his smuttiness.
5. Ms Burnout, I’ve told bitethehand it was quite wicked to say what he did about you and that poor Mrs Akhtar and particularly when you were trying to cope with your son running away from home. I’ve told bitethehand so many times how lucky he was to have a mum who stayed at home to look after him and his siblings, rather that go out to work all day and then spend half the night on the internet getting drunk. Not that we had the internet in my day of course but as a good mother yourself you’ll know what I mean. And believe me I know how difficult it is to keep these young ones on the straight and narrow, what with all that smut on the internet and the television, which is why I just can’t understand why bitethehand, when his father and I didn’t allow a television into the house until he was older than your son, who I’m so glad is back in the family fold, turned out to be such a bad sort.
6. Mr Plang – that’s another unusual name if you don’t mind me saying and I canunderstand what you’re saying but I can assure you that bitethehand’s vendettas have never been petty, quite the opposite, he’s always been a very serious person. I remember having to sort out a problem he had at infant’s school when they sent him home for arguing about his teacher’s misinterpretation of the parable of the Good Samaritan. Heaven knows where he picked up the words “Thatcherite lackey”, as it certainly wasn’t from his father and me, we’ve always kept politics out of our family. But I can’t agree with you that he doesn’t have a sense of humour as he does seem to laugh a lot when he’s using my computer, stopping me getting onto my Facebook, laughing away with some friends of his on something called the Untrusted. He says it’s a real bundle of laughs, and I’ve noticed that lovely Mrs Burnout’s on it too, although from what I can see there’s far too much swearing on it for my taste. So I hope you all understand why I had to take the red pencil to some of bitethehand’s posts last night and I’ve advised him to be more kind to all those nice people at CiF in future, but you know how stubborn he can be.
Yours in Christ, Mrs Bitethehand
What I find interesting is that this piece of satire is little different to the visual cartoons posted each day on the Guardian by the likes of Bell and Rowson. Does MrsB think that these people think that Osborne, Darling and Brown literally are and were mad axemen?
But the post so incensed MrsBurnout that she went crying to the moderators to demand my banning. And she and her acolytes have been doing this ever since, whenever they discover my new identity.
And here three days later a very careful suggestion to MrsBurnout that the post was directed not so much at her as at the moderators and their passion for deletions:
Just for clarification, my post reporting an imagined conversation with my mother, to which you took such exception, was in the main directed at the moderators, not you. Which is why I ended the post: “So I hope you all understand why I had to take the red pencil to some of bitethehand’s posts last night and I’ve advised him to be more kind to all those nice people at CiF in future, but you know how stubborn he can be.”
So what of the Untrusted?
From the Banner Headline on the opening Untrusted thread on 15 February 2009:
A place for Ciffers to keep things going. Martillo could probably do a better job of this, but I thought I’d create a place for Ciffers to keep alive threads that have been cruelly cut short by the Guardian mods. Cluing each other in on what it was we’ve said that mods have deleted is acceptable, too.
And from Montana Wildhack’s very first post:
I promise not to censor comments. Help me let people know that it’s here, okay?
Which is why it came as quite a surprise after contributing to her site for over two years, Montana Wildhack posted the following on 10 February 2012:
FUCK OFF, BITEY Yes, you sick, stupid motherfucking arsewipe. You’ve been banned. You will be banned and deleted every time you try to show your useless, stalking face here. Try all the proxies and new IDs you want — they will ALL be gone. You’re a parasite, but I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let you feed off of this site any more.
An interesting about face from Montana’s statement on 15 September 2009:
I’d like someone to explain to me how it is that I can be blamed for comments made by people I’ve never met, simply because those comments were made on a blog I started? The comments there aren’t moderated and people can (and do) even post anonymously. Because I’ve chosen to leave comments unmoderated, I couldn’t possibly ban anyone from commenting there, even if I wanted to.
But isn’t that the Rupert Murdoch defence Montana?